fuck this shit

so in keeping with the idea to try and give law school a more open minded go round this semester, i went to a presentation about summer internships at the aclu. the meeting featured the same asshole i can't stand who i know from other things i've gone to, so that kind of set the tone. basically, nothing changes; they're all just a bunch of lawyers, aka a bunch of pricks. even if what they do is something i would consider positive overall, this does not enhance my desire to either work with these people or do the work that they do. which brings us to the larger summer job picture, and it is bleak. everyone wants 1ls for legal research and writing, the bane of my scholastic experience. also, this is all people get to do when they start out with real legal jobs. oh, hooray. fuck lawyers, and fuck lawyering. the more i find out, the less i want to do with it. and yet here i am. so much for trying to learn something for the sake of knowing it, or being able to work it into an acceptable career. law school: the worst decision ever. also on the horizon: what is sure to be a rousing meeting with career services. i'm sure they know how people should write and design resumes such that they secure summer work. the problem is my allergy to resumes and legal work. why the fuck did i come back? nothing better to do. fear of being perceived as having failed. felt like it was what i was supposed to do. the first year is the worst, huh? i am having a really difficult time imagining what the possible difference between the first and second year could be that would make one universally regarded as shitty and the other being generally acceptable. perhaps the notion is that people get to go out and do legal work and find having a job in the field encouraging. this is not something i anticipate happening to me at all. being able to choose classes next year is not going to be enough to radically alter things on its own. law classes are still going to be law classes, profs will still be profs, etc. right now, i want to scream incredibly loud and beat the shit out of a managing partner at some important law firm i haven't heard of and will continue to fail to give a shit about. lexis summaries include not just counsels' names, but what firm they work for and where that firm is located. this makes me retch. what can i say? i guess i just hate america, freedom, you name it. more than anything, i'm upset with myself for getting me into this mess in the first place.